1.) Thanks Grandma!
Aww thanks Grandma! You really didn’t have to bring me shopping. The thing is, I don’t think I’ll wear those normal looking clothes you bought me. I need to express myself and this is how I feel I can do it!
Listen buddy, you’re lucky your granny hasn’t disowned you yet for walking around and letting your freak flag fly. My grandma tells me to go change because I look like a prostitute when wearing a low cut shirt.
2.) Frozen
We see three possibly scenarios here. First of which could be that this woman is trying to become a smurf. We see this attempt to be a very successful one. Two: she saw Frozen a few too many times and she just can’t ‘let it go’.
Lastly, and we believe this must be it: she never got over Eiffel 65’s amazing hit of 1999 and she is feeling blue da ba de da ba di. We feel you lady, we feel you.
3) Toilet Paper
I’ve always wanted to witness someone coming out of the bathroom with a nice long string of toilet paper stuck to their shoe. The utter delight of being able to see that and giggle would make my day.
If the toiler paper was stuck to someone’s butt however, it would certainly make my year. We’re just hoping she wiped real good. How can you not feel that?
4.) Captain America
This dude lives like every day is the friggin 4th of July. This guy rides around in the Evil Knievel jumpsuits of wheelchairs and supports our Military. We’re talkin’ ‘bout AMERICA DARNIT. This guy is all hot dogs and baseball, stock cars and twinkies, butter biscuits and sausage gravy.
He’s all about showing respect to the best flag on the planet! We just can’t figure out why he has an Irish robot or a parrot. What’s up with that?
5.) How Low Can You Go
It’s a shirt! It’s a dress! It’s a… skirt? It’s okay kids, Grandma hasn’t worn a bra since the bra burning days of the 60s and now she only ties them up when she’s cooking so they don’t fall into the soup!
We’re hoping the rest of her ‘regular’ looking clothes were in the wash, and maybe she just needed to grab something quick to go buy some diapers. But we all know that’s not true…
6.) Down to Bang
This guy is about maximum efficiency. There’s a commitment level here we have to respect. “I’m going to shop and try to get some strange at the same time.” Don’t let the quiet sweetness of his note fool you, this dude is DOWN TO BANG.
Also, he sprung for the good quality tape (no skimpin’, just pimpin’), letting potential suitors know he’s got some cash to flash. He could’ve gone for scotch or masking but my man went DUCT, BABY!
7.) Tight Shorts
Go tigers go! Rah rah rah! Now, now people there’s no need to discriminate. We’re just showing you a picture of what happens when you buy shorts that are a few sizes too small.
By the time she reaches the parking lot, there won’t be much left to the imagination if you know what I mean. How many times during her shopping trip do you think she went in there to pick her wedgy? We’re taking bets.
Stiletto Town
What we have here is like the mullet equivalent of a cellphone salesman’s outfit. All business casual up front until your eyes scroll on down those slacks and PAPOW, you’re in stiletto town. And those are some fancy pumps, man.
We’re going to assume the cane is for added support but everyone knows that you put an expensive camera on a tripod, not stilts. Or some other joke about men in heels being fabulous.
8.) Meth Grandpa
Whatever the “it” on this guy’s shirt is, you know he did it. Worse, you know he did it high as a kite on cat tranquilizers.
This is what your dad does when your mom goes on her one weekend away a year with all her girlfriends.
This is what happens when the janitor at your high school breaks into the chem lab.
This is what happens when you give meth to a leprechaun.